About the Author

Disney always does everything right the first time. Wrong! And when they really screw things up, it makes us all go 'Huh?' Lee A. Beatens is going to rant about the worst offenses weekly here on Disney Dispatch. And when he's not ranting, you'll find Lee blogging often on his own site, Disleelandia, which he did get right the first time.

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Why Did Disney DO That?!?

by Lee Beatens

Admit it. You do it a lot. You ask yourself: Why Did Disney DO That?!? Maybe you ask others, too. Maybe you gather in groups, gnaw on turkey legs, and ponder what Disney does. But any such gab sessions inevitably lead to confusion and perhaps frustration. Because none of us have the answers. Disney has the answers, but it's not telling. The Mouse justifies its actions either with "it's part of our business plan" or the even more nebulous "it's part of Walt's vision". You deserve better. In his column, Lee Beatens will uncover the truth. Or at least deliver some entertaining rants.

Why Did Universal Do That?

APR 9 It's time to give the mouse a break - Lee digs into the other big player in town, Universal Studios, and asks Why Did Universal Do that?

Lion King 1 1/2 Extras Review

MAR 20 So Lion King 1 1/2 is out and you can't decide whether to buy the standard DVD or bump up to the blu ray. Which one gives you the most bang for your buck? Lee delves in and solves the mystery.

Am I a Child or an Adult?

JAN 24 We welcome Lee into the new year with a great article from him about Disney's inconsistent pricing for children or adults based on your age.

Ticket Adjustments - Disney Language 101

DEC 26 Lee talks about how words can make an impact and how Disney World sometimes goes over the edge when they talk about their price increases to the public. Don't be deceptive - just be honest. Nice article Lee.

3-D Pick Pockets

NOV 2 Remember when buying the DVD version of your favorite Disney movie was packed with bonus features and worth the purchase? What happened? Lee talks about a growing and annoying trend.

Disney Parks Blog

OCT 11 Lee talks about the Disney Parks Blog and how it affects bloggers that have been writing about Disney for a long time now. Why does Disney have to poke their nose everywhere? Or is it a good thing?

Disney Merchandise and Disney Fans

OCT 5 Lee switches it up this week and discusses how Disney fans are ruining the collectible fun by buying up hard to get items and selling them at outrageous prices.

The Quotable Walt Disney

SEP 26 Lee examines one of Walt Disney's most memorable quotes and what it really means in the context of today.

Disney Princes - Where my guys at?

SEP 5 Lee is wondering where all the Disney Princes come into the picture when you are at the parks and doing meet-n-greets and autograph signings.

D23 Membership - One More Perk Please!

AUG 31 Living in Canada makes being a D23 member harder. How do you justify the cost of membership when the perks are built for other regional locations? Lee explains.

Not So Marvelous Movie Redemptions

AUG 14 As a true believer in the Disney Movie Rewards program, Lee Beatens greeted Disney's purchase of Marvel Entertainment with a lusty "Excelsior!". Then he found out that Marvel films would not be included in that program. Ker... plop.

Cruel Cuts: Disney Dietary Options

AUG 7 Those unfortunate souls who suffer from Celiac's disease require special dietary fare. Disney touts its chefs' abilities to craft excellent dining experiences for everyone, no matter their special requirements. But is your palate in peril all the same?

Of Refillable Mugs and Pop Nazis

JUL 31 The refillable mug debate is endless and pointless. Whether you obey Disney's rules for use of a refillable mug is your business - and Disney's business, if they catch you. But now Disney is testing a new scheme to regulate the flow of refreshments.

Monorails: Less is More Magic

JUL 24 Unless you've ridden the monorail, you really haven't had an authentic Disney vacation. Stepping back from the doors, taking small children by the hand - it's all part of the magic! So why, Lee Beatens wonders, is Disney scaling back monorail service.

Movie to Attraction to Movie Again

JUL 17 First Disney made attractions out of movies, now they make movies out of attractions. But what if Lee Beatens made these movies? Would the Tiki birds and flowers suddenly turn murderous? Would Jose crave not seeds but souls? Read, if you dare...

Disney Movie Rewards Program

JUL 10 Finally, after so many rants, it seems that Lee Beatens has found something about Disney he likes: movie rewards. Over the years, this program has enriched Lee with many freebies. Disney is aware of it. And so they're playing with Lee's mind...

Stroller Derby

JUL 3 When I was a kid, I'd stay up late to watch roller derby on New York Channel 9. As Lee Beatens observes, some of the people who visit Disney World nowadays might have been watching it with me, except they've confused stroller with roller.

McMiss, Finn McMiss

JUN 26 To me, Finn McMiss sounds like a no-talent Irish baseball player. But Lee Beatens isn't rantin' about baseball. He's been spending a lot of time in toy stores lately (yes, the police know), coveting not Finn McMiss but Finn McMissile die-cast cars.

Mickey's Fat Wallet

JUN 19 Addiction. It's not pretty. Imagine yourself homeless, wracked by the pangs of withdrawal, begging for enough spare change to buy just one more... day pass to Disney World? Lee Beatens explains why we'll accept the latest ticket price increases.

To Gush of Disney

JUN 12 One of the perks of American citizenship is eligibility for Disney contests. If you're Canadian, for example, like Lee Beatens, you typically can't enter for your chance to win fabulous prizes. Is Lee at loose ends? Never. He has some ideas.

Disney Contests: Only in America?

JUN 5 Many people gush about Disney. While I'm sure Disney appreciates it, a 'gush' isn't very helpful, and the gusher comes across mostly as a tool. Lee Beatens never gushes, at least not in public, but he loves Disney. Can one love yet not gush?

Cinderella Not So Suite

MAY 29 Would you like to stay in the suite atop Cinderella Castle at Disney World? Well, you can't, even if you sell everything you own and write Disney a check in that amount. As Lee Beatens observes, the suite is invitation only... and good luck with that.

The Disney Bus Shuffle

MAY 22 When I hear the word 'shuffle', I think boards and Bears (as in Chicago), but Lee Beatens thinks buses. And when Lee Beatens gets to thinking about Disney buses, he gets to ranting, as he does here, with a story of a long, long, long bus ride.

Messing with the Icons

MAY 15 Said Walt in 1955: "this is how it shalt be. And don't you mess with it!" Ever since, his people have been messing with it, pissing off the purists and providing fodder for the faithful to debate and decry. Has Lee Beatens an opinion? Is Mickey a Mouse?

Disney Fan Clubs: For Locals Only?

MAY 8 The official Disney fan club, D23, offers some spectacular perks. To enjoy them, however, it helps to live near one of the parks. If you don't, well, tough luck! Lee Beatens wants equality! And until he gets it, you know that he's going to rant about it.

The Dark Side of Disney Cinema

MAY 1 Fairy tales are often not pretty. They delve into our darkness, bring our fears to the fore. Many Disney movies are based on fairy tales, and for once Disney does not sugar-coat. What sharp teeth, what evil eyes...

Waiting in the Rain for a Disney Bus

APR 24 Like water rides? Stay at a Disney Value Resort! As Lee Beatens points out, you WILL get wet while waiting for a bus at a Value Resort because the bus stops are unsheltered. But why? Is it a dig from Disney? Nope! Says Lee, it's a perk.

Death by Disney Coffee

APR 17 Coffee is high on the list of the things Lee Beatens loves. Disney is even higher. He hoped for a threesome: him, Disney, and coffee. Disney didn't disappoint, but his coffee was a vile brew that he forced himself to choke down. Now it's the day after...


APR 10 Safe. The four letter word. We all want to be safe, but safety can be elusive. Not so at LameLand, the safest theme park on earth! When you pass with our assistance through its rubber gates, you can rest easy knowing you've left danger behind.

It Came from the Disney Vault!

APR 3 The mist parts, the coffin creaks, a white hand claws the air... That's Dracula, isn't it? But for all we know, he may also be in the Disney Vault, bunking with Jimmy Hoffa and rare, never-before-seen footage from Disney films. Enter, if you dare...

Oh, Pixar on It

MAR 27 When Disney bought Pixar, much like when Harry met Sally, the climax came early in the relationship, with a slew of hit movies based on original material. But now the sheets teem with sequels, and Lee Beatens is counseling Pixar to get a life of its own.

Pirates of the PhotoPass

MAR 20 Most folks are aware of software piracy, music piracy, all kinds of on-line piracy, but PhotoPass piracy? As Lee Beatens will tell you, it's true. The high cost of Disney's PhotoPass program prompts many to mutter not just "ugh!" but "argh"!

Grad Nite Gets Failing Grade

Lee Beatens waves another Disney perk bye-bye

MAR 13 My friend Jessica, who lives in California, remembers the Grad Nite program from Disneyland, and says that her high school was banned from the event for several years because of bad behavior. Ah-ha! Have we hit on the real reasoning here? I did some research, and I found many others, both on FaceBook and Twitter, telling... MORE

Have a Stressful Trip-Planning Day!

Lee Beatens stresses over the new world of Disney vacation planning

MAR 6 Now the day of our departure is upon us and the final checklist is reviewed: Reservations made; Passports packed; Dog with grandma; Key with neighbor; Cat watered; Plants in the litter box; All appliances turned on; Mail forwarded to Iowa (do we know anyone in Iowa?); Luggage in the back seat; Kids in the trunk. Check and... MORE

Why Did Disney DO That?!?

Lee Beatens bashes the increasingly generic Disney experience

FEB 27 If you're like me - or Lee Beatens - you return home from each Disney trip encumbered with collectibles. Not just store-bought souvenirs, either. Napkins, parks maps, shampoo bottles, bits of string found in the Magic Kingdom, and lots of other STUFF. What used to make that STUFF so tempting was creative... MORE

Leave My Favorites Attractions Alone!

Lee Beatens puts on his comfy shoes and tells Disney to back off

FEB 20 We all remember the first time we rode Pirates of the Caribbean. We know all of the lines and every pirate on sight! Or how about our first ride on It's A Small World: Who can forget that song? We all have our favorite dolls! And every time we visit the Magic Kingdom, we just have to risk the wrath of... MORE

Putting a Park Where It Doesn't Belong

Lee Beatens ponders the placement of Disney's California Adventure

FEB 13 Today's article features an in-house transcript from Disney's Imagineering. It provides insight into the decision-making process behind the creation of the Disney Theme Parks. Disney's California Adventure, to be precise. What I am going to share are excerpts from a much longer document wherein an... MORE

Rants to the Mouse

Lee Beatens presents the rantiest column on earth

FEB 6 We're all big Disney fans. We love Walt and his nostalgic look at turn-of-the-century values and traditions. We loved what he did with television in the 1950's, and we love the Disney Channel today. We continue to love the animated classics and live-action masterpieces. And we love to visit... MORE