FROM: Wandering the World with Wally Published Mondays

Kilimanjaro Safaris

Seeking solace from recent adventures, Wally wanders into the wild, otherwise known as Kilimanjaro Safaris, but finds himself rousted from refuge and pressed into action when he stumbles upon an empty camp of poachers.

- by Walter Octavius March, May 2, 2011

KUNGALOOSH!

After our ride through Toy Story Midway Mania last week, I spent the rest of the day scouring Disney's Hollywood Studios for a man wearing mouse ears and a Stitch shirt.

But I never found him.

Now, as I wander, I keep an eye peeled for anyone with an eye peeled for me.

Exhausting! To calm my nerves, I have decided to head to the Animal Kingdom for an old-fashioned safari. Of course you'll come along...

Wally Recalls the OTHER Phineas and Ferb

After we get to the park, we'll head toward Africa. I must say, it has been a while since I have taken one of these Disney buses, but they are rather convenient, and comfortable, too. I like the advertisements above the seats.

Look: is that Phineas and Ferb?

Amazing! My old singing partners Phineas J. Blothermille and Randall Ferbinski...

We called ourselves the Three Wisemen. You've heard of us? No? Odd. We sang Gregorian Chants in the late Sixties. You'll find our greatest hits on YourTube, for sure. Hmmm? YouTube? Yes, I do, sometimes.

Don't even bother looking for us on iTunes. Blothermille claims Steve Jobs stole Pixar from him some twenty-five years ago. But I don't believe him. Blothermille is an idiot. He never would have been associated with Pixar. All the man knows how to create is false stories about Steve Jobs.

Yes, I AM becoming heated: if it hadn't been for the fool Phineas, we might have made it big back in 1969, when we heard about an Music & Art Fair being held on a farm in New York owned by one of Ferbinski's high school friends.

Yes, his name was Max! You knew him? What do you mean 'get back to the Land'? We're going to the Animal Kingdom, not EPCOT!

Anyway, Max had offered the use of his dairy farm to a group of music promoters, and we managed to get the promoters on the phone. Rotary dial! But Blothermille grabbed the receiver and insisted upon $15,000 as our fee.

When I wrestled the phone away from him, it was too late, and it was too late for Blothermille, too.

Ferbinski and I left him flatter than a platypus tail.

Eh? Yes, now that I look at the ad closely, Phineas and Ferb do not resemble my friends at all, both of whom in fact are dead.

Bus ride takes forever, doesn't it...

Wally Saunters to Safari

Finally, we've arrived at Disney's biggest theme park, the Animal Kingdom. Follow the signs, my friend, and let's hasten to the Kilimanjaro Safaris, pausing briefly to pose for a photo in front of the Tree of Life.

No camera? No problem! Here's a Disney PhotoPass photographer.

Quickly: smile! That's enough. When you get home, use the code he gave you to look at the photo on your computer. I'll take a 4x7 shot. (They take credit cards.)

Come along, it's the left path we want, and there are the signs for Africa.

We'll force ourselves past the Dawa Bar and stop instead for some water and a snack at the Harambe Fruit Market. Nothing for you? Why don't you grab an apple for me, then. Going on the safari builds appetite!

(Hmmm? It cost two dollars? You made an exellent deal! A tasty apple, too.)

Hurry, now, our safari truck is here. I feel so comfortable riding in one of these big trucks, especially in a wildlife preserve. It brings back fond memories of safaris taken in the company of my friends from the Adventurers Club. Quite a shame the club closed and the adventurers scattered. Had I not been overseas, I would have helped save it, but there's no time for regrets. Perhaps the old Club will one day return, but for that to happen, we'd need quite the miracle...

Sorry, I'm reminiscing, and we've already motored far into the Harambe Wildlife Preserve. Disney has done a wonderful job here. The animals all look healthy. And that Okapi: what a specimen!

We're entering the Serengeti grasslands, so make sure you don't miss the... was that a pothole? who maintains these roads? ... upside-down tree, known to naturalists such as myself as the Baobab. And near it I see a small group of Watusi cattle. And those termite mounds! Colossal!

Wally (and Wilson) vs the Poachers

What was that? A radio transmission? Yes, I'll take it... oh, not for me. Poachers! Here? I deplore poachers. They are a scourge. Surely, our guide wants my help in eradicating them from the Preserve! She does? (Are you sure?) Let's be alert for signs of these rapscallions.

And while we're doing that, let's also admire those beautiful elephants, and that majestic white rhino. I see a lioness ahead, basking on a rock. How lovely!

Excuse me, it's Wilson on the radio. He says poachers are in our area. "Understood Wilson, Wally out!" What? Yes, I did have to say is so loudly; transmission is terrible here. All these people are looking at me to learn what they should do. I will stand and address them... yes, of course, I'll sit back down.

Gunshots! From that clearing ahead. Faster, driver, the poachers are at hand! Now, my friend, jump with me from the truck so that we might circle around the camp and nab these villains. We'll each rush them from separate sides and... no one here, yet I still hear gunshots, and shouts from our truck.

Shhh! It's Wilson on the radio. He says we've chased the poachers right to him!

We're heroes, my friend! And look there, the poachers had an elephant calf in the back of their truck. I imagine the authorities will want us to tell them our story.

I see several gentlemen approaching us, possibly journalists, but why don't you take all the credit while I slip back into the brush and seek another exit...

Wally Does Dawa

Ah, wonderful, back in Harambe, and there's the Dawa Bar. I see my friend pointing frantically at me as two burly gents escort him into a building.

Good for him! I'll read of his exploits tomorrow in the local news.

Barkeep, one of each, please. And by the way, did I ever tell you of the time I rid the Kilimanjaro Safari of several hundred well-armed poachers?

It happened just moments ago...

Until next time, KUNGALOOSH! And keep your eyes open for Adventure!

More: WANDERING THE WORLD WITH WALLY