FROM: Disney Tale of the Tape Published Every Other Saturday

Jungle Cruise vs Kilimanjaro Safaris

Do you like your beasts animatronic or animalistic? Dan Sisneros presents eight epic rounds of tooth 'n claw action, a genuine rumble in the jungle, between the grizzled, joke-spewing Jungle Cruise and the newcomer - the killah! - Kilimanjaro Safaris.

- by Dan Sisneros, May 7, 2011

Share

It's youth vs experience in this battle of Disney attractions.

Let's look at the Tale of the Tape:

This crossroads battle between the experienced veteran and the up-and-coming star is scheduled for eight rounds. Kilimanjaro Safaris has youth on its side, but Jungle Cruise has experience and a loyal fan base.

As always, just like in a real boxing match, we use the '10 Point Must System'.

Now ring the bell, and let's GET IT ON!

ROUND 1: The Queue Areas

The queue areas are similar in how they prepare you for what lies ahead.

Safari does it with an area that looks like a safari travel office area with posters of the adventures available. As you get closer to the attraction itself, overhead TV monitors broadcast video of the animals you might encounter.

The Cruise queue resembles a launch camp with supplies necessary for your trip. There are funny gags hidden amidst the equipment, burlap sacks, and boxes that line the queue.

Both queues work well, but there's a little more to see in the waiting area for the Cruise, so the Jungle Cruise takes the round, 10-9.

ROUND 2: The Stars of the Show

This is another tough round to score and depends on what style each judge prefers.

Safari features beautiful, healthy live animals roaming free.

Cruise features magnificent audio-animatronics. Of the many animals you will see, the elephants in the sacred bathing pool have impressed this judge for years, and the half-submerged hippos are also quite memorable.

As much as I enjoy audio-animatronic animals, the live creatures take it, giving the round to Kilimanjaro Safaris, 10-9.

ROUND 3: The Ride Vehicles

Being 'safari' attractions, both feature vehicles with back stories and themes.

The jitney type vehicles used in Safari are huge GMC trucks turned terrain tramplers. They are propane-powered, which means they burn clean but still pack plenty of power. The bouncy ride makes it feel as if you really are traveling rugged savanna trails.

The 'Congo style' riverboat used in Cruise is powered by 4-cylinder Chevrolet engines. Gliding through the water in these canopy-covered, open-air boats makes it feel that you're vulnerable to the jungle creatures that come within striking distance.

A good, even battle in this round, but Jungle Cruise has the edge, 10-9.

ROUND 4: The Hosts of the Show

A flash knockdown is scored in the 4th round!

While the Kilimanjaro Safari drivers offer lots of great information and play the role of 'Simba-1' in contact with the base, there is no way that they can compete with the cornball humor of the Jungle Cruise river boat captains!

No matter how many times you hear about those incredible giant butterflies "...that grow from 12 inches to a whopping 1 FOOT long!", it never gets tired, and nothing matches it. Let's face it, if they were to stop the corny joke routine, the ride would lose much of its appeal. The Cruise skippers are so popular that 'Weird' Al Yankovic himself performed a song about them on one of his recent albums: check out 'Skipper Dan' on YouTube.

Safari pulls itself up from the canvas for a mandatory 8-count, but there's no question that Jungle Cruise owns this round, 10-8.

ROUND 5: Technology and Imagineering

This is a very tough round, as both combatants come out swinging!

The Imagineering that went into the Jungle Cruise was cutting-edge! The movement and appearance of the audio-animatronic animals was incredible. (And still is, in my opinion.)

But when you consider all of the techniques used in an attraction the size and scope of Kilimanjaro Safaris, it is even more remarkable. Each animal species must be fed properly, its other needs met, and it must be kept safe from predators while preserving the sense that both predators and prey are roaming free, without restrictions.

Some of the techniques used are ingenious, such as providing the lions with cooled rocks so they will lie on them during the hot daylight hours and remain visible to guests.

Safari sends Cruise to the mat with a haymaker, and now it is Cruise's turn to take a mandatory 8-count, giving the round to Kilimanjaro Safaris, 10-8.

ROUND 6: The Setting

It's wide open savanna vs treacherousous 'rivers'. The two styles couldn't be more different. The lush jungle setting of Cruise forces your eye to view each staged scene, while the open savana of Safari lets you look wherever you like.

In Cruise, you're shown; in Safari, you discover.

This is a very close round, but for this judge the slightest of edges goes to Safari. Although it doesn't always happen, when a giraffe just walks right up to your vehicle and looks you in the eye... that's a pretty nice rush, and very memorable (especially if you have your camera ready)! Kilimanjaro Safaris takes the round, 10-9.

ROUND 7: The Thrills

Another tough round to score.

When an elephant sitting in a bathing pool points his trunk at you, as one always does on Jungle Cruise, you can't help but feel the reflex to DUCK! And going into a forbidden temple with 'giant cobras' standing guard, even if they aren't real, can still spook even the most logical-minded theme park guest.

But compare that with a pool full of real hippos and herds of real long-horned Ankole cattle roaming just beyond your reach.

In its prime, Cruise would have taken this round, but for today's modern mindset, Kilimanjaro Safaris prevails again, 10-9.

ROUND 8: Intangibles

It's been a close bout, and this final round could determine the winner. (And I can't consult with my grand-daughter for this one, because she slept through both attractions!)

Nostalgia is always a big factor for Cruise, because it's a ride that most of us have enjoyed for many years. Plus, it's located both in Disney World and in Disneyland, so quite a few more folks have been on the Cruise than they have the Safari.

In Animal Kingdom, though, Safari is one of the two 'headliner' attractions that draw the most people at rope drop. Being a top attraction in your 'home arena' is a big factor!

But Cruise was one of Walt's originals...

But Safari was the first ride-through attraction featuring live animals...

But Cruise has its comical side: where else will you see explorers up a tree with a rhino's horn on their tails, or a gorilla looking down the barrel of a rifle?...

But Safari offers the chance of a new experience each time you ride it...

See what I mean? Tough! I can't pick a winner. The round is even: 10-10.

JUDGES' FINAL SCORECARD

The final bell rings, and the referee gathers the scorecards and hands them to the officials at ringside. They've been added up, and our ring announcer has the winner.

So let's go to the voice of Florida Boxing, ring announcer Bob Alexander!

"Ladies and Gentleman, we have a SPLIT DECISION!"

(Moans and groans from the crowd.)

"Judge #1 scores it for THE JUNGLE CRUISE. Judge #2 scores it for KILIMANJARO SAFARIS. And Judge Dan Sisneros scores the bout 76 to 75 for the winner by split decision....

"KILIMANJARO SAFARIS!"

A wild slugfest with both contenders scoring knockdowns, and lots of action. Many of the fans feel that Jungle Cruise "wuz robbed". But in this close battle, it could have gone either way, and Kilimanjaro Safaris barely squeaked out the win. Even now I hear a Jungle Cruise skipper in the locker room screaming for a rematch...

More: DISNEY TALE OF THE TAPE